Isolation

I've grown a lot since my college career began. I've gone through many phases, many changes, many highs and lows. I recognize how far I've come sometimes just by looking at old pictures of myself and remember what my value system was at the time it was taken.
Where am I now? I seem to be approaching some sort of conclusion. The experiment is over. The whole thrill of trying new things in college seems to not be something I desire much anymore. I know who I am and I know what I want.

Example 1) I don't care much for alcohol or drugs. Through experience, I know that I am not myself when under the influence. I like myself, who would I want to be anyone else? Taken further, I recognize I don't often give my body drugs of any kind--even caffeine. My body runs pretty cleanly, not gunked up with anything. I know I am so lucky to be healthy too, where my body doesn't need some drug to function properly.

Example 2) Living as an RA for the past year, I did not have a roommate. I lived in a dorm room alone. Sometimes the loneliness gets to me. I am a very peaceful person--I like the quiet, but there are times when I simply need and enjoy the consistent presence of other people in my life. I realize that living without a roommate is not how I want to live. Living alone is not how I want to live. Roommates are one thing, but I realize that what I truly want is a family.
I recently travelled to Ireland to spend a week with my best friend and (it's hard to find a word, but I suppose you could say) my significant other. That was magical. Truly living with someone. We spent all day and night together for a solid week. I loved it. As I came back home to the States, I found myself wanting to interact with my family more. I wanted to join my parents as they went to some Home/Garden expo show, even if purely to spend time with them.
I can compare that feeling or companionship and belonging to the one of sitting alone in a dorm room, and there is no contest.
I know that my future life plans may not be all that conducive to a stable, settled-down family, but I know that it's something I want and need.

I envy the day I have a family of my own. A partner, a companion, a significant other.

Of course, I know that things are always changing and dynamic. I know that whatever conclusion this may be, there is always further to progress. I feel as if I have ended a chapter--the chapter of experimentation. But there are still so many chapters left before the end of my novel.