"What is a choice you regret making to this day and why?"

There is only one reason that someone should live with regrets; that is if he or she did not learn from an experience. Hindsight is always 20/20. If we are mindful, every experience in our lives, whether it be positive or negative, is just that--experience. All we can do is make the best decision possible with the information we have at hand.
It's too easy to simply regret--"Oh, I should have chosen differently." That's futile. You did not know what you now know at the time the decision was made.
In reality, one should learn from mistakes, and simply take them as information--"This choice did not work out how I intended it to, but I can take the information I've gathered from my actions' consequences and apply them to my future."

Without mindfulness, or without the desire to learn, grow, and better oneself, there is regret... But only in those circumstances. Fill those voids and you eliminate regret.

Being a gentleman

A true gentleman conducts himself with goodwill and propriety. He maintains self-control in his actions and shows purposeful thought. He lives by the values he holds. He is humble and recognizes the power of silence.  He is sincere and appears well in any company.

Easy enough, yeah?

Isolation

I've grown a lot since my college career began. I've gone through many phases, many changes, many highs and lows. I recognize how far I've come sometimes just by looking at old pictures of myself and remember what my value system was at the time it was taken.
Where am I now? I seem to be approaching some sort of conclusion. The experiment is over. The whole thrill of trying new things in college seems to not be something I desire much anymore. I know who I am and I know what I want.

Example 1) I don't care much for alcohol or drugs. Through experience, I know that I am not myself when under the influence. I like myself, who would I want to be anyone else? Taken further, I recognize I don't often give my body drugs of any kind--even caffeine. My body runs pretty cleanly, not gunked up with anything. I know I am so lucky to be healthy too, where my body doesn't need some drug to function properly.

Example 2) Living as an RA for the past year, I did not have a roommate. I lived in a dorm room alone. Sometimes the loneliness gets to me. I am a very peaceful person--I like the quiet, but there are times when I simply need and enjoy the consistent presence of other people in my life. I realize that living without a roommate is not how I want to live. Living alone is not how I want to live. Roommates are one thing, but I realize that what I truly want is a family.
I recently travelled to Ireland to spend a week with my best friend and (it's hard to find a word, but I suppose you could say) my significant other. That was magical. Truly living with someone. We spent all day and night together for a solid week. I loved it. As I came back home to the States, I found myself wanting to interact with my family more. I wanted to join my parents as they went to some Home/Garden expo show, even if purely to spend time with them.
I can compare that feeling or companionship and belonging to the one of sitting alone in a dorm room, and there is no contest.
I know that my future life plans may not be all that conducive to a stable, settled-down family, but I know that it's something I want and need.

I envy the day I have a family of my own. A partner, a companion, a significant other.

Of course, I know that things are always changing and dynamic. I know that whatever conclusion this may be, there is always further to progress. I feel as if I have ended a chapter--the chapter of experimentation. But there are still so many chapters left before the end of my novel.

Life as a Sine Wave (Whoa, Kowabunga, Dude!)

I received an email today. It informed me that an essay I wrote for my World of Ideas class on December 16, 2011 had won first place in a Superior Student Writing contest for the Department of Literature and Languages. ...What? I never even submitted this paper to any such contest. I mean, I definitely formed a great connection with my professor, George Savage, throughout that semester, and he did say that this essay made an impact on him. I suppose he must have submitted it in my name. Or maybe this whole contest is built on faculty submissions. Either way, I'm honored. :) After reading the email, I quickly found the paper in my archives. I want to share it here.

Life as a Sine Wave (Whoa, Kowabunga, Dude!)

            Throughout the 2011 fall semester, the topic most central to our World of Ideas course has been meaning. In every work, novel, and ideology we have examined, we always asked the question, “how does this work help explain the why’s in our lives?” With some works, the intended meaning was very overt (e.g. the Book of Job), whereas it may have been less clear with other works (e.g. Darkness At Noon). For me personally, I found that my philosophy on life was most supported by studying the loud and vibrant Existentialist ideas and most challenged by the peaceful and detached Buddhist readings.

            Existentialism is a philosophy of empowerment and subjectivity. It reminds us that, primarily, man exists before he ever is anything. To quote Sartre, “Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself”, meaning that we are all free to define and re-define ourselves (to change or even cast away those labels which society clings to) at any moment. We are freely and solely responsible for our own choices and actions, for at any time, we can always reject the scenario we’re in. I find comfort in Existentialism because it is one that makes me see how I am in control of my own life. Two core values highly important to me are Individuality and The Exclamation Point. I believe in the individual. You are you; do not seek to conform to familial or societal pressures, exist instead to fulfill your own unique, individual destiny and express your particular personality. Existentialism wholly supports this value, for it does away with labeling humans by their roles or occupations. Existentialism reminds us that we are more than simply the sum of our labels; we are unique human beings who can do anything we want. That is the type of individuality I seek to promote. Furthermore, in times of monotony or angst, I feel Existentialism serves as a reminder of The Exclamation Point I hold so dear. I had a very personal experience with this issue this semester, but since it relates directly to Buddhism, the telling of the story can wait until later in this paper.

            Buddhism, on the other hand, certainly was the biggest challenge to my understanding of the universe this semester. Before we begin, allow me to define exactly what I mean by challenged. I do not mean Buddhism challenged my worldview in the sense that I disagreed with its precepts or found them upsetting (quite the contrary); instead, I mean that Buddhism was the topic I grappled directly with the most this semester. Existentialism confirmed my worldview, but a confirmation is simply a support; it’s easy, it’s comfortable, it’s like finding evidence to support your own biases. Buddhism challenged me because I loved it; I found it incredibly appealing and truthful, yet it was startlingly new material that sharply contrasted most everything about the way I conducted myself. I felt like I was a journalist finding evidence that goes completely against the editorial point they’re trying to prove.

            When we began studying Buddhism, I became engrossed; I read and re-read all the literature I could find on it. I had been meditating for quite some time before this moment, and supported and lived the Buddhist notions of calm, objective rationality over passionate response, but the Buddhist teaching of detachment struck a new chord inside me. The more I read about Buddhism, the more it completely washed over me; I began to meditate far more, the ups-and-downs of life were replaced with the consistent calm of Buddhism, and I began to feel markedly removed from others around me. The following is an excerpt from an October 19 entry in my personal journal,

I can feel myself becoming more and more detached (in a positive way) from desires… and it feels great! I feel healthy, I feel positive. It’s a calm positivity, not the exuberant, over-the-top energy; it’s a quiet enthusiasm (like one meant exclusively for me), but a strong one nonetheless… I feel suddenly disinterested by many of my friends; I am oddly socially fulfilled by very little. I don’t feel lonely, just about ever. I wonder if others feel I am ignoring them, but I more feel like I have nothing to fear. I am doing nothing wrong, I am hurting no one; that fact, the lack of egoism or pride, brings me joy… It’s saddening. I’m wholly unimpressed with people now. I see how vain their problems really are. I asked Britta today how her day is going, she said ‘meh, because it’s cloudy.’ Cloudy? Your problems are the weather? It’s not even worth an emotional response anymore. I feel outside of society. What’s going on with me? I feel like this isn’t where I want to or should be going; yet it feels so right.

This is how Buddhism challenged me; for a time it became me. Buddhism was sexy; it was like a perfect argument, and I bought it.

            After this had gone on for some time, I began to feel discontent, and for a while it was incredibly hard for me to locate its source. I eventually narrowed it down to what image I was portraying outwardly. Talking about Existentialism in my Philosophy class, one day during all this, reminded me of my core value, The Exclamation Point. I began to wonder, in my newly found peaceful and detached state, if my actions were living up to my words—how important it is to love your life, to grab it by the hips and dance a salsa with it! My actions appeared listless and dull; they weren’t embodying the oh-so-important Exclamation Point at all! Something snapped in me, I realized it wasn’t okay merely being content with life, having everything be neutral all the time wasn’t cutting it; I had to love life, even if that meant there was some bad to come with the good stuff too. A Buddhist teaches that the ups-and-downs of life are all in vain—they are meaningless wonders and worries caused by samsara—and it is better to remain flat and level instead. This, to me, represents the true difference between Existentialism and Buddhism.

While both philosophies observe there are both joys and pains in life and support a very individual experience rooted in choice, the two ideologies chiefly diverge over the degree to which each accepts the dynamic world around it. Buddhism sees the pleasures and sufferings of daily life, and urges others to just do away with it all. Buddhism recognizes the transitory and temporary nature of any good feelings (and bad ones as well), and chooses to not participate. If life were a roller coaster, the Buddhist would be the one opting not to ride, and instead be off, quietly getting a snow cone. Existentialism, on the contrary, observes how our lives fly to extreme highs and lows, but urges others to accept that for what it is and love it no matter; that’s life, the very one you’re living, love it or leave it and make a better one. Buddhism chooses to reject the dynamic world, whereas Existentialism teaches to accept and uphold it, always. On that same roller coaster, the Existentialist is the one with their hands in the air, screaming at the top of their lungs and cackling manically. During good times, this is an easy thing to do—simply bask in the euphoria and forget about your problems. During times of strife, Existentialists accept life as well. This fact is best exemplified with a scene from the film Fight Club; when Brad Pitt pours lye on Edward Norton’s hand and it begins to burn and sizzle, Brad Pitt tells him, “Stay with the pain, don’t shut this out… This is your pain, this is your burning hand. It’s right here!” When Edward Norton tries meditating on a peaceful place in order to cope with the pain, Brad Pitt responds, “This is the greatest moment of your life, man, and you’re off somewhere, missing it.” Where Buddhism would elect to retreat from this wild world in order to find meaning, Existentialism holds its ground and finds meaning in all our experiences in life. As the semester finishes, I find I am a fluid being, one who can pick apart new ideas, taking what works for me and incorporating it into my personal philosophy.

A personal statement from my application for Big Man on Campus

Positively Ryan

Just as my stage name would suggest, I am positively Ryan—no one else. I believe I have a strong sense of who I am (scratch that, I am sure in my sense of myself), and that is someone who is energizing, engaging, responsible, balanced, spontaneous, outgoing, open minded, passionate, and still very peaceful. My name has a double meaning. Not only am I no one else but Ryan, but also Ryan who is positive. Positivity is a key to my outlook on life. Attitude is everything. Life is always exciting, new, just, kind, adventurous, and entertaining, but only if you have the right attitude going into it—a positive attitude. I am a very balanced individual, living as a synthesis of optimism, enthusiasm, and energy and reflective, peaceful introspection. I seek to be the most enthusiastic, welcoming, warm, and positive person I know; I feel the campus needs well-known individuals to exhibit these qualities. This is why I feel I am UW-Whitewater’s Big Man on Campus.

It is not enough for someone to simply be highly involved and impactful; they must also inspire others to be as good of people as he or she appears to be. The same is true for me. Look at my involvements on the opposite side of this page. I cannot and will not deny it—I have made a significant impact on many of this university’s student’s college experiences. Through Hawk Squad, I have interacted with just about every member of UWW’s current freshmen class; I have shown them that this new stage of their life can and IS a time to truly create the life they want, through my welcoming presence as the face of this university. Through Resident Assistant, the University Honors Program, and simply being a conversational, welcoming individual, I have touched the lives of a large number of students on a highly personal level. I have fostered their growth and cheered them on as I see it take hold. I am a highly committed student, finding true passion in my studies. I feel I am a shining example of what a student should be—intrinsically motivated, highly passionate, and a lover of learning simply for learning’s sake. I hope that the level of passion to which I take my studies is infectious and inspiring to others. But as I said before, it is not enough for a leader to simply be highly involved or impactful. This leader must also be someone others look up to on a personal level, someone who cares deeply for others, a truly upstanding gentleman or lady, is highly conscientious, and is the most positive, warm, welcoming, enthusiastic, personable, and inspiring individual around. I, Ryan Thomas Kolter, am all of these things, and am UWW’s Big Man on Campus.

The Characteristics Exhibited by Self-Actualizing Persons

They perceive reality accurately and can tolerate uncertainty.
A continued freshness of, and depth to, appreciation and openness to experience.
Spontaneity and simplicity in thought and action.
A strong ethical awareness
Concern for the welfare of humanity.
A philosophical (rather than hostile) sense of humor.
A need for privacy.
Periodic mystical (peak) experiences
Democratic leadership traits
Established deep interpersonal relations with a few people.
Autonomy and independence
Creativity
A problem-centered (rather than self-centered) orientation
A resistance to enculturation, but not purposely unconventional.
Ability to look at life objectively and separate emotion and impulse from action and behavior.
An acceptance of self, others, and nature for what it is. (Things simply are)

Blessing or Bane, Change and Balance

The following is a popular Chinese proverb.


Near China's northern border lived a man well versed in the practices of Taoism. His horse, for no reason at all, got into the territory of the northern tribes. Everyone commiserated with him.

"Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a blessing," said the man.


After a few month, his horse came back, leading a group of many fine horses from the north. Everyone congratulated him.


"Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a cause of misfortune," said the man.


Since he was well-off and kept good horses, the man's son became fond of riding and eventually broke his thigh bone falling from a horse. Everyone commiserated with him.


"Perhaps this will soon turn out to be a blessing," said the man.


One year later, the northern tribes started a large invasion of the border regions. All able-bodied young men took up arms and fought against the invaders; as a result, around the border, none out of ten men died. The man's son did not join the fight because he was crippled and so both the man and his son survived.


Change is constant. Yang, the sunny side of a mountain, may be opposite from Yin, the shady side of the mountain, yet it is so that as the sun moves across the sky, Yin and Yang gradually trade places with each other, revealing what was obscured and obscuring what was revealed. Yin and Yang are not just forces of balance but also of change.
It is so with all things. What is true today may soon be false. Change is reality.

Balance and change are inseparable. Balance is about alternating forces rising over one another. One must accept change. It is in this way the Taoist Yin and Yang relate to Buddhism. If one clings too tightly, the effort is futile and the result is discontent, for change is the one constant that exists.